FOXY KNOXY: the alleged sex games of idiocy

is it just me or is alleged killer amanda knox quite sexy?

QUEEN ELIZABETH II: a taboo subject of idiocy

everyone's praising the queen for "following in diana's footsteps and shaking hands with ugandan HIV+ patients."

kept her gloves on though didn't she?

in uganda.
which is in africa.
quite a warm place.
(26 degrees celsius yesterday.)

looks comfy in that photo, doesn't she?

POST MODERN SECRET: postcards of idiocy

Do you have a secret that's eating you up inside but you can't tell anyone?

Why not send it to us on one side of a homemade (virtual) postcard and we'll expose your dank, hidden wrong-doings to the world under the guise of some kind of ongoing community art project?

It's an idea we've been working on for some time here at the register and is completely and utterly our own idea.

Answers (on a postcard) to the normal address (we've included a link on the right).

Here's a start:

THE SPICE GIRLS: the badly conceived return of idiocy

can anyone think of anything more hilarious than five middle-aged women singing "i wanna huh, i wanna huh, i wanna really really really wanna zig-a-zag, ah."

?

it's hard to believe a group of adult women, a couple of which have already committed their lives to embarrassing themselves and their loved ones, could make the decision to propell themselves & each other to further ridicule... but...

PEER PRESSURE: ottoman shagging posers of idiocy

I’ve held back from writing about these cats for a while because to be honest it felt a bit like playing slapsies with a quadriplegic: mean, pointless and less than challenging. After about 10 minutes you’re just beating a guy up, you know what I mean?

But I can’t hold my tongue any longer because when you really get down to it, that’s five guys fucking an ottoman. On the internet. For everyone to see. And it isn’t a joke.

No, it really isn’t. It may be tempting to think that Relentless, X2C, Pipelaya and the rest of the gang are in fact a visionary performance art troupe dedicated to exposing the rampant consumerism and preening narcissism endemic in hip hop culture but you’d be wrong. They’re just a bunch of rampant, preening narcissists with the intellectual facilities of pocket lint.

So what enrages me the most about this video? What aspect has me moistening my keyboard with hot, salty tears of despair as I weep for humanity’s desecrated soul? Is it the fact that the first moron wanders on with a dumbbell as if he just happens to have been pumping iron off camera before sauntering on to ravish the soft furnishings? Or is it the way that each idiot has an equally brain dead ‘street’ moniker, a practice they’ve evidently copied from their favourite MCs and applied with all the finesse of Leatherface at an ice sculpting festival. Pipelaya? You sound like a plumber, mate. Or someone who poos a lot.

Never mind the fact that the whole enterprise has the distinct whiff of being one repressed, desperate hair’s breadth away from descending into a hard-rutting, any-holes-a-goal, five-way, sweaty-teenage cum fiesta with the Peer Pressure boys joyously thrusting their tiny members between cushions, against soft fabric and into each other. There’s nothing wrong with being gay and it’s actually kind of sweet the activities they’ve concocted to distract themselves from their obvious mutual attraction.

‘Why Satisfaktion, have you noticed how firm yet yielding this leather cushion is? Let’s go and show Pre$$ure … with our tops off.’

Yes, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. It’s a legitimate, healthy lifestyle choice. What isn’t healthy is being so wrapped up in your own greasy, arrogant world-view that you believe uploading this kind of unintentionally hilarious masturbatory sofa-porn is going to make you look good in any way.

It doesn’t. You pointless bunch of egotistical poser-fucks.